Maybe I thought it would be easier.
Would I go back home? Of course not — and that alone is enough to remind me that, despite everything, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I just need to be patient.

The hardest part is probably the loneliness. Not during the day — during the day, I walk, I write, I work. But at night, I wouldn’t mind having someone to share dinner with. To get to know, to be known.

Here, I notice so many people doing things alone. And I keep wondering — are they choosing to eat lunch alone? Or are they, like me, simply not having a choice right now?

I wonder if, like me, they’re quietly waiting for someone to start a conversation.
Sometimes eyes meet, you exchange a shy smile with that warm Balinese spirit, but nothing more.
It feels like no one is strong enough to be vulnerable and say:
“Yeah, it’s hard to meet people here. Do you want to sit with me, just for a conversation?”

I’ve done that.
I’ve been gifted with the ability to speak without filters when I feel like myself.
So, almost as soon as I met a girl who seemed to have the same energy as me, I said:
“If you’re ever going out for a drink, feel free to text me… It’s not easy to meet people.”
We were supposed to go to yoga together. She never wrote back, and I went to yoga class alone.

I keep wondering: where’s the line between being open, warm, and welcoming… and looking like you’re desperately seeking connection? Maybe the difference lies in not forcing it.
That’s something I’m good at. I reach out once, but if you don’t respond, you’re probably not meant to be in my life. And the Universe is simply protecting me.

The other day, I did it again.
After chatting with two girls who seemed kind after a yoga class, I suggested we grab lunch.
We exchanged numbers, and one of them was staying in Ubud for a few more days.
She never reached out again. And you know what? That’s okay.

I always believe the Universe never holds back what’s meant for us. But with these small moments, it does show us what’s possible. And maybe it watches how we react.

I hope that every time I step out of my comfort zone, the Universe sees that I’m ready, ready to become the version of me who can receive the opportunities, the connections, the life that’s already mine.

I try to act like the person I want to meet. And I believe that one day, I will. That’s how karma works, doesn’t it? You send out what you hope to receive.

So in the meantime, I wait with trust. And honestly, I believe this season of waiting is preparing me for something incredible. Why else would I have been sent here?

It’s not easy — being alone on the other side of the world, relying only on yourself. It’s not.
I hope I won’t have to get up in the middle of the night to kill a giant cockroach again (but never say never).

Still… every morning, I wake up and I get to walk through the rice fields and make one more day special, even if it’s just with myself.

And if you’re feeling lonely too, just know: You’re not alone. There are people like me going through exactly the same thing.

I like to believe that the longer we stay with ourselves, the more we learn about who we are, about the world, about the kind of relationships we don’t want (and I’ve seen so many in these three weeks), and everything we still dream of.

The longer we stay alone, the better what’s meant for us will be —
because we’ll be better too.